My Introduction To Samyama

When I think back to the first time I really really 'got' Samyama, it was an exchange with Leah. I had been introduced to Samyama and I had been practicing it before this 'first' time for about a year. Learning the discipline of going to my heart took a long time for me, certainly a lot longer than some of my clients are able to do. My first experience of how holding something in my heart can cause a shift occurred with anger. It was anger about an exchange I had with Leah, then a young teenager. This was an intense raging anger that I had known before. Nothing I had ever done could get rid of the anger. My thought in that moment, was something like "well nothing else has ever worked, I might as well Samyama it" So I allowed myself to feel the rage as intense as it was in that moment. My fear was that I was going to completely explode if I allowed myself to go into it completely. That is what had happened when I tried to get rid of it, or ignore it, or deny it. I would explode in a rage so frightening that I vowed to never get angry again. Well that didn't work. As I sat and felt my anger it did get bigger and bigger, and I just sat with it and felt it. And then it started to shift. I stayed with it a little more, and it shifted a little more. And then it was gone, and I felt gratitude. WHAT?? In that moment I did not question what had happened, I stayed with the feeling of gratitude and knew that I had for the first time experienced the alchemy that happens when awareness is brought to the heart.