Transitions

I am in a transition. As I write today, I have 11 more days at Whiting-Turner, my job for almost 20 years. I am so grateful for the lessons this job has brought me and for my Whiting-Turner family. I am transitioning to a calling that has roots in my greatest initiation to date, Leah’s transition to spirit almost 13 years ago. My WT family was there, taking care of us as we tried to make sense of what made no sense at the time. They were there at the hospital with hugs, food and prayers, and continued their support at her funeral and as we headed back to work when we really wanted to just stay in our cocoon of pain. This initiation took us through territory we did not want to go. I have written much about it, here in this blog as well as in Fearless Nest, Our Children as our Greatest Teachers, and Living Through Grief, Love Revealed. I have been preparing to step into through the threshold to my calling as I met each moment of this intense initiation. I was reflecting this weekend about Leah and our time together, tears come now as I think about it again, and it has always been my willingness to meet the tears and the feelings in my heart that has nurtured the evolution of my calling. As I prepare to step into the fullness of my Being, my dream time has been very active, helping in the preparation. In one dream I was in the conference room at my present job and all the people from that job were there as well as people from the work I am stepping into. I asked where I could find my new place to work, and someone told me it was far away from here, through the forest, and I should follow the lights. I went out and found myself in a forest, it was dark and all of the trees had white lights on them, and it was foggy, I began running and did not trip or fall in the foggy darkness. As I ran, I saw a city lit up across a bridge, it was a long swing bridge across a huge abyss, and it also had lights on it. I ran across the bridge without hesitation, something I would not have done in real life. I was fearless as I approached the lights in the city; I woke up just before I got there. In another dream I was in a complex configuration of places and getting from place to place was also difficult. This is a familiar landscape from past dreams. At one point in the dream I was told the world was ending, I did not believe it. I stayed calm while others around me did not. Just before I woke up I was in a room with a lot of other people and a woman set a timer to 2 hours and 10 minutes and said that is when the world would probably end. I remained calm and communicated to Dan wordlessly that it would not happen for us. These dreams make it clear to me that I am ready to enter my new life. The next few days I will continue to be present in my job, giving thanks for all I have learned and all the people who have been with me on this part of my journey. When I leave I will take the time I need to find my own rhythm, listen to my body wisdom and continue creating my new offering to the world. I have always known that the initiation of Leah’s death was an important part of my life here on planet earth. It has helped me to discover my gift to give the world. I am so grateful to my amazing daughter for her gift, her light and for the honor of being her mother. She is definitely here with me as I go forward. I recently became certified as a Psychology of Eating Coach. I will be combining Samyama with that work. One thing I can tell you now about what that may look like is that my calling will be to help women step in their feminine, their queen and higher purpose using eating challenges as the doorway to soul lessons. More to be revealed as it is revealed to me. Much love and gratitude to all.

Time To Go Deeper

As I asked what to place upon the altar of my heart this morning, I got teary eyed and thought of Leah. It has been quite some time since thoughts of her have elicited such strong emotion. My first thought was, no, not this, not now, and then I took a breath and relaxed into the emotion and asked what is here for me now? I have recently started a journey to add a facet of healing to my practice. I am training to become a Certified Eating Psychology Coach through The Institute for the Psychology of Eating. This work is deep, and examines eating and body image challenges in ways that are new to me. As I am studying this work, I am also applying the what I am learning to my own relationship with food and body image. I am finding new portals into my inner work. I will write more here soon about some of what I am learning. What I realized this morning as I sat with these feelings of grief that are arising is that slowing down with eating is also slowing down other areas of my life, and allowing what is now ready to emerge to rise to the top to be seen. wow! So today I place upon the altar of my heart my sweet girl. It is now time to go more deeply into my relationship with her as she is now, more than 12 years after her physical passing from my life. This really does excite me, because I have gone really deep already, and I know the grace that is revealed when I meet what wants to be met, no matter how painful. Much gratitude to all who have brought me to this moment.