Every so often something happens that reminds me the impact Leah's life and death have had/are having on other people. When I sit with that and connect with the field of everyone whose life she impacted I am filled with awe. I know that each of our experiences of her life and death are different. Some knew her, had direct experience of her light and huge heart. Some are friends of mine, and did not know her directly, but are impacted in their own way by what has happened. Each time someone reaches out to me, I am filled with gratitude for the blessings that come from being with what is. I am grateful I can receive what they are giving. As I sit now in this field, I know we are all holding each other. I can feel that so many people are still hurting so much, it brings up my own pain. And I hold all of it without condition. I have learned so much about life and death. They go hand in hand, death is a part of life. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to lose Leah to learn this lesson. When I sit with this I remember I did not lose her, she is still here. My heart breaks open yet again.
I have so much gratitude for each person who stands with us in this space. My prayer is that we can all hold what is here as it shows up for each of us. Much love to all of you.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
We All Belong To Each Other
I have recently been in touch with a precious younger child who feels as if she does not belong. I became aware of her some time ago, and I have been hanging out with her since then, just letting her feel what she feels and holding her where she is at. More recently in one of our exchanges she told me she wanted to do an art project. I have set up space in the beach house to make collages and she has been spending time there.
A common feeling when I am triggered by someone or something is a feeling of not belonging. As is my practice, I sit with the feeling with out condition, sometimes with my little girl if she appears in that moment. Last night I invited every part of myself that ever felt as if she did not belong to be with me. I sat with all of these Nancys at all of the ages that appeared. Some of them were very wary, some of them eager, some of them downright skeptical. I sat with all of them just as they were in that moment. I told them I welcomed all of them and that we all belong together. I told them they can make art, or write, or play in the ocean. I told them I will listen to them and give them what they need. I told them I love them. Big Sigh!!
Today when I woke up and got ready for my walk on the beach, I told them they could come with if they wanted. Some of them even came to work with me.
I feel so ................ no words can describe the feelings.
We are all here now, and welcome whoever else shows up. My intention is to continue to invite them in and allow them to be heard. This feels very integrating.
A common feeling when I am triggered by someone or something is a feeling of not belonging. As is my practice, I sit with the feeling with out condition, sometimes with my little girl if she appears in that moment. Last night I invited every part of myself that ever felt as if she did not belong to be with me. I sat with all of these Nancys at all of the ages that appeared. Some of them were very wary, some of them eager, some of them downright skeptical. I sat with all of them just as they were in that moment. I told them I welcomed all of them and that we all belong together. I told them they can make art, or write, or play in the ocean. I told them I will listen to them and give them what they need. I told them I love them. Big Sigh!!
Today when I woke up and got ready for my walk on the beach, I told them they could come with if they wanted. Some of them even came to work with me.
I feel so ................ no words can describe the feelings.
We are all here now, and welcome whoever else shows up. My intention is to continue to invite them in and allow them to be heard. This feels very integrating.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Being in the Ocean
Last night we went to play in the ocean. The ocean was about as flat as I have ever seen it. It was breaking only at the shore. Standing in it felt more like being in Lake Michigan than the Atlantic Ocean. As I stood there thinking there was little movement, I became aware of the swells, and the feeling of the water going back where it came from as it receded. I found I could not 'just stand there.' I was being carried along with the water. Even though it appeared not to me moving, there was movement. I felt it Aha! There it is again, feeling.
At work yesterday I was feeling the stickiness of everything. Just feeling it and it felt yucky, and I stayed with it. When I thought about going in the ocean, I thought, that it would be a good place for me to continue to hold the sticky feelings, and maybe they would shift. When I got there, the sticky feelings were not there, and I thought I should try to feel them. Then I got present and realized that if they aren't here, I can't feel them, and to just Be in the Ocean. I am grateful that these lessons keep coming ever so gently as I continue to navigate this life.
The ocean on a day with a little more wave action.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Being With What is, Without Condition
These past few weeks I have been being more than ever before. Doing no longer makes sense to me. Being does not make sense to my thinking mind, and that is OK, I let my mind have its say and return to the heart of being. I am getting comfortable with being uncomfortable if that is what appears in a given moment. This feeling is relatively new, and I am welcoming all feeling without condition. It feels like such freedom to do so. When I am in the present moment I feel enlivened. When I try to describe what that is to me, the words do not come, I am content to feel enlivened. It does not matter the feeling, whether it is a previously described negative or positive feeling, when I am feeling it in the moment, without condition, there is nothing else.
If you are reading this now, I invite you to be with whatever arises for you as you read this. If a story arises, let the story be there, notice it, and feel the feelings that are surrounding the story. and breathe. Now let the story fade and stay with the feeling, what ever it is, however it appears, and just stay with it as long as you can, without condition. Drop the feelings into your heart, give them breath and be with them. Always come back to the feeling. There is nothing to do, be with the feelings.
I am currently in an uncomfortable feeling place. I am coming face to face with people who are reflecting places in me that feel like shit. I recognize these feelings, these reflections as exactly what I need to integrate a part of myself. They are the medicine I require at precisely the right moment. It is not about the people or situation, it is about the feelings that arise when I am faced with these situations. It is another example of how we are given exactly what we need in the context of our everyday life.
I am so grateful for the feelings, for the situations and people that trigger places in me that are ready to heal. And I welcome the opportunity to feel everything as it appears in the moment.
Follow up to the above post: After I sat with the uncomfortableness I became involved in something at work. This took me into several conversations with people, all the while I was in that present moment, not aware of any uncomfortable feeling. Later as I went back to my office and picked up a piece of work I had been working on before getting called into the conversations, i noticed that my comfort level has shifted. This is the alchemy that happens when we are with what ever appears in the present moment without condition. We do not try to make the feelings go away, we let them be as they are, with out a story. This is all that is needed for alchemy to occur.
If you are reading this now, I invite you to be with whatever arises for you as you read this. If a story arises, let the story be there, notice it, and feel the feelings that are surrounding the story. and breathe. Now let the story fade and stay with the feeling, what ever it is, however it appears, and just stay with it as long as you can, without condition. Drop the feelings into your heart, give them breath and be with them. Always come back to the feeling. There is nothing to do, be with the feelings.
I am currently in an uncomfortable feeling place. I am coming face to face with people who are reflecting places in me that feel like shit. I recognize these feelings, these reflections as exactly what I need to integrate a part of myself. They are the medicine I require at precisely the right moment. It is not about the people or situation, it is about the feelings that arise when I am faced with these situations. It is another example of how we are given exactly what we need in the context of our everyday life.
I am so grateful for the feelings, for the situations and people that trigger places in me that are ready to heal. And I welcome the opportunity to feel everything as it appears in the moment.
Follow up to the above post: After I sat with the uncomfortableness I became involved in something at work. This took me into several conversations with people, all the while I was in that present moment, not aware of any uncomfortable feeling. Later as I went back to my office and picked up a piece of work I had been working on before getting called into the conversations, i noticed that my comfort level has shifted. This is the alchemy that happens when we are with what ever appears in the present moment without condition. We do not try to make the feelings go away, we let them be as they are, with out a story. This is all that is needed for alchemy to occur.
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