My Beach

Today at work there was a pot luck lunch. everyone gathered at once and ate a feast, about 25 people in all. I was looking forward to it, heck I had even suggested it. We also had a DVD of our corporate business meeting which was held in Baltimore a few weeks ago. As I sat in this atmosphere I was getting triggered left and right, I was definitely not having fun, and I was finding almost everyone annoying. I could not get present in this atmosphere, I felt like the life was being sucked out of me. I witnessed all of this and at one point thought to myself, 'oh great, here I go back into story land' My mind told me I was regressing back to the time when I did not have direct experience of feeling what is here without condition. I continued to witness that, and decided it was time to go home, to get out of there. As I drove east, as far east as the road would take me, I was still sitting with all of it, and I said out loud, ' I don't believe any of it!' Any of the stories my mind was spinning about what went on today. As soon as I got home, I changed clothes and went for a long long walk on the beach. No other person was there, just me, the gulls, sandpipers, kingfishers and pelicans. I walked, being with the ocean, until I returned to spaciousness and my own being-ness. what I have sometimes described as Nanci-ness.

I am now sitting looking at the silent sound, (yes, I know!) and I can again hold it all. At the end of the day I was exhausted, and I realized that when I used to get spun up and attached to every single thing, and then set out to 'fix it' or 'do something about it' that I would be exhausted at the end of those days too. I am grateful that I can return to being-ness by being with what is without condition. ahhhh. here is a picture of my beach.

















And the sunset