Investigation of Playfulness Report

My investigation into playfulness was, well, fun! It began on my birthday, and I reclaimed my right to enjoy and celebrate me. I began to discover how delicious it is to slowly savor each activity, or non-activity. (hmmm, the next investigation?) I then asked to be shown obstacles that keep me from being playful. This is a great question no matter what the prayer or investigation is, as it invites unhealed, unintegrated moments from earlier in your life to arise. Not long after I dropped the question in, I was triggered in a way that brought me to my knees. Rather than reacting to the trigger and lashing out at the person who triggered me, I took the feelings into my heart and sat with them. What I realized is the triggered feelings were the exact feelings I had as a child when I was being bullied, or not believed. Wow, what a gift! I was given the opportunity to heal a part of myself that I might not have gotten to in any other way. I spent the next couple of days with my young child and loved her in a way she was not loved when the neighbors were telling her to eat sand, or not believing something she said. I asked her what she needed, I told her she had a right to have fun, to play, and asked her what she wanted to do. So we colored, jumped rope, and put blue and purple streaks in our hair. As the days went on, I discovered that playfulness took on a new energy. I could be serious and playful at the same time. All of the old stories came up to be witnessed and surrendered. Being playful did not mean I was lazy or unproductive. Rather the opposite was true. When I did things with a playful attitude, they happened effortlessly. When I was playful I was present. My newly integrated child selves were feeling safe. Playfulness is my new way of being. It allows me to meet my life with curiosity. I am particularly liking my playful energy without all of the stories I had about playing, the shoulds and should nots. I am rediscovering what it means to be surprised and delighted. I invite you too to investigate your own playful nature.

On the Altar Today

On the altar lately.....entering the mystery of mySelf, and investigating playfulness. Are they related? can't wait to find out. What is on your altar today?

Still Waters Run Deep

I have not posted here regularly for a while. That does not mean that nothing has been happening, quite the contrary. Things have been happening on a deep level. Do you know what it feels like when you think nothing is happening in your life? Sometimes it feels like you are stuck and sometimes it feels like you are in a rut, and sometimes it feels like absolutely nothing is happening. If you are continuing to do your inner work, tending to soul, putting your prayers on the altar, movement is there, you just might not be aware of it at the time. That is what was happening with me. In the last year or so I have done a deep dive into nurturing myself in body, mind and spirit, without attachement to outcome, without expectation of what this might look like. My practices during this time were many and varied, I used many of the tools in my medicine bag including Samyama, the Ho'opponopono Prayer, monthly novenas, collage making, voice dialog, doing nothing, etc. I began to emerge from this time of Stillness several months ago with some new juicy opportunities arising. There was and is a newness to my spirit, there is a new awareness of my relationship with Leah. Peter and I are moving into a new chapter in our relationship. Dan and I are planning our next adventure. I was ready to step into this newness, and then the gate keepers came knocking, big time. I spent some time with them, and found myself in a waiting game. Waiting for what? That is the million dollar question, there is nothing for me to wait for, I can be me now, I am me now, the stories I spin are quite amusing sometimes, and it took someone telling me I was in a rut to recognize just that, yeah I was. At the same time I also recognized that I have done the work to step out of that rut. Step into a soulful life, a life lived consciously, embodied, willing to meet the gate keepers with gratitude and move beyond the fear they stir. I have tremendous gratitude for the mystery and the unknown that are always at work, even when we are not aware.

Another birthday

Today is Leah's birthday, a year since my last post here. So many blessings have come our way. Connections with old friends, new insights. I started samayama circles to introduce samayama to those who were ready to know more. Today finds my broken open heart filled with gratitude for all that is. So today I say happy birthday to my sweet girl who has been and continues to be one of my greatest teachers. Thank you for the honor of being your mother. Thank you also to all of you who have held us in love and continue to do so. So much love and gratitude, Nancy