Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Dismembering of a Life

I find myself in more dismemberment and at the same time, large flashes of what is True. Dan and I are embarking on leaving the known and stepping into the unknown. To think we were ever in the known is an illusion, I know that better than anyone. It has been one of the huge lessons of the initiation of Leah's death. We are taking a conscious step into the unknown, willing to know when we know, picking up the breadcrumbs when they appear. It is exciting and terrifying. In the terrifying moments I watch myself trying to negotiate safety, at least what my ego defines as safety. And when I drop back into my heart and sit with it all, my heart knows that leaving everything and stepping into the unknown is True and Right. I also know I do not have to make the timetable for it, or do anything. There terror always asks, 'How will you know what to do???'
There is nothing to do. I remain open to receiving what is here for me in the moment, and all is given. Dan and I were talking about our latest gifts of inspiration, and I caught sight of all of the moments in our lives that had led us to that moment, and I am truly grateful. It is not lost on me that we have had these latest insights in the space of another November.
Only Love, and Gratitude.

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