The Feeling Underneath the Story

I have been witnessing myself being very reactionary the last few days. With it comes lots of old stuff, feelings of wanting to be left alone. When I sit with that, I feel as I did as a child, wanting to be left to myself, so I didn't get yelled at, or berated, or......whatever the story is of the moment. In today's reactions, I find that I am getting triggered by things that didn't trigger me the day before. Am I just tired? Is the other person being annoying? Oh I wish that was true, those stories have served me well in the past. Today as I sit with them I know they are required. I know that everything I need to integrate all the 'stuff'' is here in this moment. Do I like it? Hell no, but what does liking it have to do with anything? I am willing to be with it, and when I am, when I let everything be as it is, when I feel all of it just as it is, all of a sudden it isn't such a monster any more. And things ease up a bit, and I get an insight into a part of me being reflected by that 'annoying' person, or situation. In the past, I might lash out at the annoying person, thinking if I could change their behavior, it would make me feel better. Now, I say nothing to them, it is not about them, it is about me, and I sit with what ever feeling is triggered. I have gratitude for the annoying person that triggers me. They are giving me an opportunity to integrate another part of myself. And it is happening right here in my day-to-day life, I do not have to look for it anywhere else, and because it is happening in my life, it is exactly right and valid for me, not for anyone else. It feels like it has taken me a long time to come to this place of understanding, of being in my life. Part of what I was feeling this week was wanting things to be different, wanting to be done with this job and to be doing Samyama full time. And then I remember something Sheila reminds us as many times as we need to hear it, 'It takes as long as it takes.' And so I continue here in this very goal oriented environment, being with what arises for me, hearing the story that I will never get anything accomplished if I 'just sit with it and do nothing' . The difference now is that I do not beleve that story. I can see it as a story, I can see all the stories. I witness them, drop into my heart and feel the feeling underneath the story. Ahh, such sweetness.