Sangoma

Please check out the link and consider backing this project

Scrupulous Devotion to Present Moment

Surprises are found in the present moment,
not what you think is the present moment,
not what you want the present moment to be,
this moment, this one here, now this one...
without any attachment to what it is.

ahhhhhh

The present moment always suprises and delights!

Now Year Resolutions

As a new year begins, talk abounds of New Year's Resolutions. Again this year, I make no resolution to begin on January 1, 2011. If I were to make a resolution it would be to meet each moment as it is, without expectation of what it will hold, or what my behavior will be based upon this expectation. I have been living this way for a while, so I guess you could say I make this resolution each new day, a now year resolution. Sure there are things in my life I would like to be different, to improve. I have tried for a long time to change things by shear force, or by wishing them away, or a thousand other ways. The only way that works is to meet whatever it is as it is, and feeling the feelings that arise around whatever it may be. This is Samyama, to meet each day, each hour, each minute as new, and feel what is here. By feeling the feeling as it appears, and allowing myself to meet it in my heart, magic happens, alchemy. Someting shifts, a new insight comes in, a person appears in my life to help me. I still marvel at the wonder of it all. I invite you into your own inquiry. What are you longing for? What you are longing for is also longing for you.

Nancy

It's Brand New

Welcome to my updated blog. My practice is growing and so is my page. Please pass on the link to your friends so that we can spread the word and the work to all who are called.

The light is returning, may your life be illuminated in all the places you are longing for light and Truth.

Much love,

Nancy

Deeper into the Portal

Time is suspended, speeding up, nonexistent as we approach the 10th anniversary. Each day is different. Yesterday on the way back to Raleigh from the beach, I met a woman at a rest stop who asked to use my cell phone. She had been visiting her daughter and left her purse there with all of her money and her cell phone. She told her daughter that in the midst of hugging and hugging, she forgot it. I got back in the car on my way, and burst into tears, missing my own daughter.
Today nuances of those times back 10 years ago slide into my consciousness. Ten years ago today is the last time I saw Leah, the last time I got a hug from her. A feeling of how it felt when I heard she was in the accident. A feeling I had at the hospital, on the way there, talking to her friends. With each glimpse, I let it be there, know it is not real here in this moment, and just be with the feelings. Some of the feelings are not possible to put into words. The desperation of a mother faced to continue on without her daughter. Ten years have passed, and she is still not here.

Entering the Portal

Today I entered the time and space surrounding Leah's transition. It is familiar territory after 10 years, and it is no less painful. It feels like my heart is breaking open all over again. It feels like I am back there trying to make sense of it all, it is heavy and all encompassing. I am willing to be here because I know by now that the only way past this is through it. To meet it as it is in this moment.
Nancy

The Gift of Time and Space

While I had thought that Dan and I would only be living apart for about 6 weeks, reality is that is will be more like more like 4 months. For a while I was not liking that, and being grumpy about it and living 'temporarily'. This was not serving me however, I was feeling horrible physically, and not attending to myself, just biding time until we were back to 'normal'. I was so miserable that I decided to sit with these feelings and find out what was going on here. And I had some revelations, this time and space alone is providing the opportunity for both Dan and me to process things we could not have processed had we been together. We have been given the gift of space and time to just be with our stuff. As I emerged from my stupor, the message I received was this, 'Be grateful for exactly where you are' And so I am. I am grateful for the opportunity to meet myself in a way that is only possible when I am by myself. I am grateful to be given the gift of sleeping in my own bed and making meals for myself, and learning that yes, I can make wonderful meals just for me. I am learning how to take care of myself, by myself. Each week when one of us leaves to go back to our respective 'home' I am meeting an old wound of abandonment, and I am sitting with the feelings as they are. I noticed this past week, they were not as strong, just a little tug that shifted when I allowed it to be there and felt it. I am learning in a new way to be scrupulously present to each moment. Everything I need is in that moment. I am grateful for the silence and the space to once again remember these lessons.